Heal
by LucyC-96
Summary: - SEQUEL TO 'BROKEN' - (Set one year later) Alex and Bucky are apart, but a revelation about a new threat will force them back together.
1. Chapter 1

One year later ~~

Bucky walked out of his room, intending to head towards the gym for his morning workout; the past year all he'd done was keep himself busy - workouts, missions, anything he could do, he did because it stopped him dwelling on his thoughts or living in his memories.

He had become closer to Steve again, it felt like it always had between them and he had even discovered a friend in Sam. They had become quite the team, a three musketeers of sorts and between them they could defeat almost anything put before them. Bucky felt more like the man he used to be than he had in a long time.

But, as he walked down the hall towards the gym, he heard voices coming from inside one of the other rooms. It was Fury, Sam and Steve, so they had to be discussing a mission._ So why did no one wake him?_

Walking inside, he found all eyes on him and the talking abruptly stopped. "Hey, Buck." Steve smiled brightly in an attempt to reassure him.

"Hey," he replied warily. "What's going on?"

"We were discussing a new problem." Fury muttered, causing Steve to direct a rather harsh look at his superior, which was just shrugged off.

However, this only served to make Bucky more concerned, "What new problem?"

"It doesn't matter," Steve said, hard eyes still glued on Fury.

"If it doesn't matter, then why aren't you telling me?"

Steve lips tightened as though he was trying to stop the truth from escaping. "Maybe we should just tell him?" It was Sam's turn to cut in.

Bucky was getting more and more impatient as this went on - someone needed to tell him and they needed to tell him now. "Captain Rogers doesn't seem to think that you're the man for this job, but I happen to disagree."

Steve sighed, "I didn't say that, it's just I don't know whether you'd want to do it."

"Why? What is it?"

Alex stared at her reflection in the mirror as she applied her lipstick. The red colour reminded her of the worn painted star on- no, she was getting ready for a date, she wasn't thinking about him.

This is what she had been doing for pretty much the last year - every time her thoughts would stray to Bucky, she would stop herself.

Well, most of the time.

Admittedly, the first couple of months were hard. There was tears, soppy movies and A LOT of ice cream, the usual break up aftershocks. But then, when Alex actually felt like she could be bothered to go outside in anything other than sweats, she started to look for a job. And thankfully the interviewer for this one _didn't_ work for a secret nazi organisation, so she took that as a good sign.

So now, a year later, everything felt like it was starting to get back to normal again. The only thing left to remind her of her time with Bucky was the bullet wound in her abdomen that, though healed, did present certain difficulties when it came to wardrobe choices.

Like when it came to choosing an outfit for tonight.

Originally, Alex had picked out a dress that she had bought a long time ago that was black and had panels of chiffon around the middle. When she brought it, it had made her feel great, but now all she could see through the thin chiffon was her scar and all that made her think of was Bucky. So, needless to say, the dress choice changed.

In the midst of her curling her hair, Alex heard a knock at the door. That can't be him already, our date isn't for another couple of hours, she thought as she walked over to the door, hair still wrapped around the curling iron. She opened the door and nearly burned herself, as she dropped the curling iron to the floor. "Bucky."


	2. Chapter 2

The metal extremity reached down to the floor, picking up the iron and handing it back to Alex, who turned it off and returned it to it's holder. "Hi." He said meekly, bright blue eyes peeking through dark locks.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asked when she was finally able to recover the gift of speech.

Bucky swallowed, "We need to talk."

_Now? NOW we need to talk?_ "What needs saying now that wasn't said a year ago?"

"This isn't about us," he sighed. "Well, not completely." Alex just continued to stare at the man in her doorway, not quite able to believe that he was actually doing this now. "Can I just come in and talk to you?" Bucky continued, a little uncomfortable.

She ushered him inside just enough to be able to close the door. "I can't tonight, I've got a date." Alex spoke quickly, hoping somehow she'd feel better being able to get it over quickly.

"A date?" Bucky had to admit, it took him by surprise. He'd never thought about the fact she might have moved on. But now he realised how stupid that was - of course she'd moved on, it had been a long time. "Have you got...a boyfriend?" He asked, not particularly looking forward to the answer.

For some reason, the way he asked this served to make Alex want to slap him. She didn't, but it was close. "Okay, you don't get to come in here acting like the injured party y_ou _sent _me_ away, remember? I haven't seen or heard from you in a year!" His eyes went to the floor so fast you would've thought he was a child being chastised.

Bucky wanted to know more, but he didn't want Alex to be mad at him. "So, erm, how long have you and..."

"Jake." She filled in the blank.

"...been dating?"

"A month."

"Oh, okay." _Not long_. The fact comforted him, if only a little. But, as much as he tried, he just couldn't stop himself. "And have you...y'know?"

_Did he seriously just ask that?_ "I really don't think that's any of your business anymore." She said incredulously. She hadn't slept with Jake, (largely to do with her scar and the story that would explain it) but she wasn't about to tell Bucky that.

"No you're right, I'm sorry." Bucky shook his head, brushing some hair from his face and clearing his throat. "But I really have to talk to you."

"Then talk."

He leant against the kitchen counter, "It's not exactly a five minute kind of thing."

Alex sighed, "Well, then-" she was about to tell him that he'd have to come back when she heard her cell phone ring. "Hello?"

_'Hey it's Jake. I was just calling to check if we were still on for tonight' _Her eyes went to Bucky, still leaning on the counter and biting his thumbnail. She needed to get this over with or he'd keep coming back. And the shock of him turning up again like he had could kill her.

"I was just gonna call you - my dad's been rushed to hospital, they think it's his heart. So, y'know I really think I should be with family right now." Alex lied, careful not to make eye contact with the man in her kitchen as she spoke.

_'Oh my god. Yeah, of course you should. We'll rain-check - do it when your dad's better.'_

"Yeah, thanks for being so understanding. And I'm sorry it's such short notice."

_'You don't have to apologise, it's not your fault. Look after yourself, Alex. I love you, babe.' _Jake was sweet, and she didn't want to lie to him, but explaining would be a lot more complicated.

"Thanks, me too." Alex liked Jake, but she wasn't ready to drop the L-word in there yet. And okay, she'd known him a lot longer than she had Bucky - but it was different with them, they went through a lot. She hung up the phone only to look up and seeing Bucky smirking at the floor.

He brought his eyes up, "Cancelling plans with your boyfriend? Maybe you're not over me after all."

"Or maybe I'm just trying to get rid of you as fast as I can." Alex moved to the couch, motioning for Bucky to sit.

For a while they sat in silence, Alex waiting for Bucky to talk and him not wanting to rush into anything. "So I take it he doesn't know about your parents?" He asked

"I told you before, its not something I just tell people." Alex said quietly.

"You told me." Bucky said softly, with a smile that almost made Alex forget the last year.

_Almost_. "To stop you having a panic attack." She brushed it off. "Are you gonna tell me what you came here for?"

Bucky sighed heavily, he clearly hoped to find out more about what she had been doing for the past year. "You need to come with me."

"Hang on a second - I thought you just wanted to talk to me?"

"Fury needs to talk to you about something." He said, unable to look her in the eye.

But if anything, this just made Alex more confused. "Then why are you here and not him?"

He raised a brow, "Because he doesn't make house calls, Alex." Though she was a little baffled still, Alex couldn't ignore that hearing Bucky say her name again after all this time still made her heart skip a beat. "We have to go to him."

She stood, so as not to be taken in any more - the fact he referred to them as 'we' struck a nerve. "Seriously?! You're the one who sent me away - or have you forgotten that? After all, it has been a year."

"Don't be like that," He sighed, understanding that she must have been angry with him. "You're not safe here Alex."

Her eyes widened incredulously at his admission, "Really? Because we've been here before. I'm not safe _with _you, I'm not safe _without_ you - what is it gonna take Bucky?"

"I don't know," he said honestly, standing and moving towards Alex. She stood, lips pursed, looking anywhere but at him. So, slowly Bucky reached out and wrapped his fingers around hers and though she left her hands in his for a moment, Alex pulled away when reality hit her. "I think you should leave." She murmured, turning away from Bucky's hurt eyes.

There was quiet behind her, "What about Fury?" He asked quietly.

Alex turned back when she was sure that she had regained her composure, "If Fury wants to talk to me, he can come here himself."

Bucky nodded, a tight smile flashing across his lips. They walked back to the door and before he left, Bucky turned back, "Goodbye Alex." He said, closing the door behind him.

"It was only then that Alex was hit by the crushing reality of the fact that that was the first time he had said 'goodbye' to her.


	3. Chapter 3

For the rest of the evening Alex had just sat still on the couch, trying hard to process everything that had happened. She'd just started getting over Bucky after a year of trying and then he just turns up out of the blue. He certainly had timing - she would've laughed if she weren't so befuddled.

Bucky came to her wanting to talk about something, then he wanted her to go to Fury. As if she had nothing else to do. But the thing that had really struck Alex was how quickly Bucky seemed to have given up after she'd said no; he'd never given up on anything that quickly before. _Except me_, she thought bitterly, before immediately shaking the thought from her head.

By the next morning it all seemed like she'd dreamt Bucky's visit, nothing had changed, nothing was out of place. _Maybe I did imagine it._

Nevertheless, Alex got up and headed off to work as she always did. She worked in a florist, mostly just because they were the only place to accept her, but it was a nice, calm job and the shop was fairly busy most days, so it took her mind off everything. And today Alex was especially glad of that fact.

"How did the date with Jake go?" Sarah, the woman who owned the florist, asked her. She was older than Alex, but she was kind and she never judged anyone for anything.

"It didn't." Alex mumbled, putting her head in her hands.

Sarah's tone became very protective, "Did he cancel on you?" The way she asked made it seem like if he had she was ready to go say something.

"No," Alex shook her head, "I cancelled on him."

"Why, sweetheart?" Her gentle southern voice made Alex smile, "I thought you liked Jake."

She swallowed, "I do. It was just...well," If she couldn't talk to Sarah about this, who could she talk to? "My ex showed up." It was the most simple way she could put it.

"And?" Sarah's eyes sparkled; she loved when Alex talked about this sort of thing.

"Don't look at me like that," Alex chuckled, "He just wanted to talk."

"Hon, they all wanna talk till they don't." She stood, placing a vase under the counter. "What did he wanna talk about?"

Alex looked at her, "Doesn't matter," she shook her head. There was no way to simplify that part.

"Oh, you gonna clam up on me now?" The younger woman just smirked as the older looked incredulously at her. "Fine. You may not be going on any dates, but I am, so - get." She shooed Alex out of the door.

"Bye, Sarah," she laughed as the door was closed behind her.

As she settled down for an evening in front of the TV, there was a knock at the door. Alex stormed to the door - _if he's come here again I'm going to-_

"Jake!" She said, the wind taken from her sails as she opened the door.

He immediately rushed in, wrapping his arms tightly around her; which Alex had to admit startled her. "Are you okay?"

"Yes?" She replied, a little puzzled.

"How's your dad?"

That cleared it up. Alex put on the best somber face she could as she pulled away. "They said he should pull through." _Come on Alex, if you're gonna lie at least do it consistently._ " I'm going back to the hospital in a little while." She lied. Now was not the time she wanted to spend making up things about a fictional patient.

"Okay. Do you want me to come?" He asked sincerely.

"No," she replied a little too quickly. "It's...still 'family only' at the moment." She recovered.

"Sure," he nodded, placing a kiss on her forehead. "Let me know if you hear anything." Jake put his hand on her cheek briefly before moving back to the door. "Send your family my best." He smiled.

Alex just smiled in response. This felt so wrong, but it was for the best. Or at least that's what she was trying to convince herself anyway. She shut the door, leaning against it. That was when the knocking started again.

If that was Jake insisting that he'd come to the hospital, she was going to have a lot of explaining to do.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asked, opening the door to see Bucky stood there. Right now she couldn't decide whether that was better or worse than if it'd been Jake.

"Was that Jake?"

"What?"

"The guy who just left." He elaborated.

"Are you watching my apartment now?!" Alex asked, a little shocked, though god knows why. It was hardly the weirdest thing Bucky had done.

Bucky shook his head, "No, fury sent me to get you. He really needs to talk to you, Alex. It's important."

"Fine!" She shouted. If anything it was just to stop Bucky talking. If going to Fury was all she had to do, then she'd do it. "But I'm taking my car. I'm not being stuck there."

Bucky nodded as the two of them stepped out of the apartment. "Follow me."

Half an hour later, Alex and Bucky were at the base, and though most of it had changed, the room they were meeting in certainly hadn't. But then again, Fury didn't seem like the type to redecorate a lot. They sat in his office with Fury himself, Steve and Sam.

"You're probably wondering why I brought you here Alex." Fury stood, moving around to sit on the front of his desk.

"Little bit, yeah."

He took a deep breath, "It's about your parents."

Alex felt here brow crease, "My parents are dead." She pointed out.

"I know." _How did he- _she wasn't gonna start asking how Fury knew anything. "And so do Hydra."

"What does hydra have to do with my parents?"

Fury looked at her intensely, "Everything."

"I don't understand."

"They wanted something that your father had."

Alex had a feeling she knew where he was trying to go with this, "Hydra didn't kill my dad - he was sick."

Fury sighed, crossing his arms, "Your father worked as a scientist for S.H.I.E.L.D. He was one of our best."

"He worked for you?" _How did she not know?_

"For almost 20 years." Alex was taken aback by how little she seemed to know about her father's work as Fury continued, "He was working on a serum that - if perfected - would be able to train the body to cure any fatality."

It didn't make sense to her. "So, what - Hydra killed him for it?"

"No." He shook his head, "Alex, as much as your father was one of the best, he had a problem of being overconfident." This didn't sound like the man she knew, but clearly there was a substantial amount that she didn't know. "When he finished the first batch of the serum, he wanted volunteers to test it on - but a drug like that, people didn't want to take the risk. So, he decided to test it on himself."

"And?" Alex asked but had a feeling she knew what answer was coming.

"It had the adverse affect. His health started to deteriorate." It was the first time she saw Fury solemn. "We did everything we could to try to counteract the serum and when that didn't work we tried to slow the effects. But none of it worked and he only asked that we let him live out the rest of his days with the people he loved most."

Alex tried desperately to keep her tears at bay, "What about my mom? Was that Hydra?"

Fury nodded. "When Hydra heard what your father had been working on they tried everything they could to get his notes on the serum. And when trying to hack our databases didn't work, they thought he might have had notebooks or files at home. When they attacked your mother that night, they were after her keys so they could look around." Alex couldn't believe what she was hearing. "The idea being that while you were at the hospital they would look around for anything about the serum." He explained.

It was so much to take in, all this time Alex had thought of Hydra as being the people in Bucky's nightmares when it turned out they should've been the people in her own. They took everything from her and for what? Some science experiment? She couldn't work out whether to be angry, upset or even both. "Why tell me this now?"

"We received some intel that Hydra's looking for a woman in connection with you father's serum, Alex." Steve spoke up. She'd almost forgotten that the rest of them were there. "We have reason to believe that that woman is you."

"Why?" Her eyes focused on the captain.

But Fury was the one with the answers here, "Hydra seem to believe that they have perfected, and enhanced, the serum. But working from the notes that they stole from your father means that they could only use the serum on someone with the same DNA."

Alex looked back to Fury, "How does that even work?"

"Your father's notes from when he tested the affects of the serum tell the resultant changes to his DNA. That's what they worked from, so they would need to test on the same DNA to observe the differences." It almost sounded as though Fury had memorised this, she didn't see him as a man who knew a great deal about science.

"What we want is to keep you safe," Steve began after a moment of quiet had passed. "So, for the time being at least, I think you should come here. That way we know where you are and we can protect you."

But it was all just white noise right now. Alex couldn't think straight here, "I can't do this..." She muttered, standing.

"Alex, we can't protect you if you leave," Fury said sternly.

This made something snap inside of her. _Didn't he realise what he'd said?_ "You just told me that what I knew about my parents' deaths wasn't true and now I have to worry about some psycho organisation experimenting on me! I need time to process that!" Alex went to leave, before turning back to them, "I'm not like you people. I don't deal with this kind of stuff all the time. It was hard enough for me to lose them once; but now hearing that Hydra was behind that - it's like losing them all over again." She spoke in a voice that wavered with anger and unshed tears.

Satisfied that she'd made her point, Alex walked out, relieved not to hear any movement after her as she reached her car. For a while she just sat there, head resting on the wheel as she took long deep breaths to steady the erratic rise and fall of her chest. Alex needed to process everything that Fury had told her. But, if she did that now she would be here all night, slumped in her front seat outside the base. So, when the risk of a panic attack had calmed, she put the key into the ignition and drove back to her apartment with thoughts swirling around in her head.


	4. Chapter 4

When she reached her apartment, Alex sank down onto the couch. Had that actually just happened? Did she just find out that Hydra was responsible for the death of her parents? She let her head fall into her hands as the weight of this information fully hit her.

There was a knock at the door. But, Alex wasn't about to answer it - whoever was on the other side could wait. She was dealing with more than enough drama at the moment and if she had to listen to anything else her head might just explode.

Unfortunately, she hadn't locked the door and a few minutes of knocking later, it was flung open dramatically and Bucky stepped inside gun-raised. When Alex raised her head she found that he was slowly lowering his weapon, letting out a heavy sigh when he saw that she was okay. Well, as okay as she could be. "Why didn't you answer the door?" He stared at her open mouthed, but there was no answer. "Alex?"

She stood, still saying nothing, but moving towards Bucky. He was confused and understandably so, he didn't know what Alex was doing and if she was honest neither did she. But, in her moment of confusion Alex stepped into him and her mouth met his as her hand tangled in his hair. He didn't respond immediately and she let her tongue slide against the seam of his lips before he caved and his arms came around her on a swift lift and growl. She could feel the predator in the way he handled her and she moaned raggedly into his mouth causing him to pull back from her.

Bucky stilled looking at Alex, "Are you sure you want this?"

"Right now, I am."

In his mind, Bucky knew that this would probably mean Alex regretting this later - but he still loved her and if this was the only way he could be with her then he could deal with it. She didn't have time to react before he spun her around his mouth claiming hers and backed her into the wall. Alex moaned struggling against the hold he had on her wrists.

Bucky growled his hand slipping down her body as his nose skirted across her throat and jaw. Alex jumped when his hand came into the contact with her and he rubbed her through her clothes. She bucked into his hand causing him to growl and lose his grip on his control slightly. His movement became harder and she moaned into his neck licking up to his ear.

The feel of his stubble and mouth on her throat was a heady feeling and she felt dizzy with all the emotions he was stirring up in her. His hand disappeared from between her legs and she whimpered wanting to be able to feel him.

Arching her hips from the wall she was met with his and he grunted as she rolled her hips against him. He snarled against her throat the more she rubbed herself against his obvious hard on. He spun them suddenly lifting her and dropping his back against the wall and releasing her hands. Without even so much as a grunt Bucky lifted her from the ground and her legs wrapped around his waist as he stood leaned back against the wall.

Alex took her chance and pushed off his jacket and started working to lift his shirt over his head quickly as she continued to roll her hips against his matching his rhythm. The roll of his hips into her as she watched the muscles roll and move around his stomach and his hips caused a deep breathy moan to rock through her chest as his name slipped through her lips. She wanted to feel him, she wanted to taste, touch him. She wanted all of him and wasn't about to let him get away without letting her have it - Alex was being selfish.

Her mouth descended on Bucky's chest and he grunted his grip bruising against her hips. He grunted when she nipped him mixing it with soft licks and light kisses. She smirked and tested the water biting down so much harder that he practically growled.

Alex stepped away tearing her clothes from her body impatiently as her eyes watched him. Bucky kicked his boots off and let his jeans fall from him stepping out of them and stalking towards her. Her mouth was on his instantly as her hands scratched across his back and through his hair.

Bucky walked them across the room and Alex jerked his hair harsher making him groan and he felt her smile against his neck as she repeated the action. Bucky dropped her onto the kitchen counter and jerked her to the edge of the it. He gripped her ankles laying her feet flat at the edge as he forced her legs wide for him. He let his cock slide into Alex, making her gasp, nodding her head.

Leaning down over her he sunk into her feeling each inch as he was encased in her fire. He groaned dropping his head to her chest and breathing in her scent.

Alex whined when he stilled against her buried heavily in her the weight and feeling of him in her almost pushing her over the edge. She lifted her hips into Bucky's with more force than he expected and he grunted driving into her and knocking her back onto the counter.

He lifted his head and she saw him trying to get control of himself and losing. His eyes were dangerous and she swallowed knowing he needed reassurance. She cupped his cheek, "I want this Bucky. I want you." And it was true. Right now, there was no past year, no Jake, just Bucky. Rocking her hips into him again she keened low in her throat at the feeling of him throbbing so deep in her.

The punishing rhythm Bucky had set up for them was making her short of breath with each stroke. She fought to keep her eyes open as she watched the man above her as his eyes took in every aspect of her body. He slowed as his eyes settled on the scar that Alex had gained from her gunshot wound. Bucky pulled out making her wince and leaned down, placing a soft kiss on the mark that she was so conscious of - he looked up and his eyes met Alex's that were wide and shocked by his boldness.

She sat up and span him around suddenly knocking him back on the counter switching out positions with him. She didn't waste anytime climbing back on him and sinking down fully on him as his hands ran all over her skin.

She moaned and started riding him in earnest as she kept him lying flat, placing her hands on his chest. His deep husky groans were echoing around the room and she couldn't take her eyes from Bucky even as he dropped back fully on the counter letting her drink him in.

Alex leaned back on his now bent legs using his legs as support as she moved against him. Bucky was lifting his own hips with a feverish pace that had them both sweating and panting. She watched his body move below her feeling herself flutter around him and feeling him swell in her the closer he got. Bucky sat up, pulling Alex closer to him, skin on skin, their mouths fusing together again.

Alex sucked a breath as she felt the storm of her orgasm crash into her as his name ripped from her throat and she slumped and Bucky snarled and growled his release into her. She heard him talking low to her but she couldn't make out what he was saying yet and moaned feeling him still buried in her.

Cracking her eyes open, Alex met clear blue ones staring back. She could feel his heart thundering against her own as his breathing evened out.

His hand slid up her back supporting her weight as he slid of the counter and set her down. He didn't move from her, "I still love you." His voice was raw and strained, but she heard an undercurrent of emotion she'd never heard before. It was almost like he was reluctantly accepting the fact that he loved her, knowing perhaps that she wouldn't feel the same.

And it wasn't so much that Alex didn't love Bucky, it was that she didn't want to get hurt again. She didn't want to feel happy and have it suddenly torn from her.

They got dressed quietly and Bucky kept trying to catch Alex's eye. He wondered whether he'd overstepped the mark - with he sudden declaration or with the intimate action of kissing her scar. He knew that Alex was grieving and that was the reason she'd needed him, but he just wished that she would talk about it. He worried that the truth of her loss would always tint her eyes in a way that he could never completely remove. But they had burned her anger out for the night together, sating them both in some small way.

Bucky moved Alex to sit on the couch, taking her hands in his, "Are you okay?"

"No," she said simply and truthfully, shaking her head and giving a small tight smile. He could see the tears starting to form.

The pain in her eyes broke him and he pulled her towards him, wrapping his arms around her, "I'm not leaving you."

"You don't need to stay."

"I know, but I want to." He pulled her close, Alex's head resting on his chest. Bucky felt her resist a little at first, but eventually she settled, breathing slowing until she drifted off to sleep. Bucky hoped that someday Alex would be able to love him back again, but right now he was just happy to offer the comfort that she needed.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Just as a pre-warning, this chapter gets a little heavy with mention of attempted rape.**

**I love you guys! :3 it's so great to see that so many of you are enjoying this fic and I'm just sat here with a big goofy grin reading your amazing comments - Enjoy!**

Opening his eyes, it took Bucky a moment to remember where he was and how he'd come to be there. But there was something wrong - Alex wasn't with him. He stood quickly, eyes scanning the room, as he listened carefully for any sign of movement in the apartment. There was none.

But there was a note on the counter:

_'Went to work - Alex'_

That was all she had to say? _After last night - that's it?_ It surprised him, but he wasn't sure why. Bucky knew what it was when it happened - sleeping with him was a distraction from everything else Alex had been dealing with. _And I'm okay with that_, Bucky thought - well, lied - to himself.

He looked to the clock - _12:05_. Thinking better of staying until Alex returned from work, Bucky put his jacket on and left her apartment.

The day passed by Alex in a blur, she barely registered anything that had gone on around her, instead thinking only of the previous night's events. She cheated on Jake and it made her feel terrible - but there was something about being with Bucky that made her feel safe in a way that nothing and no one else could - despite what he seemed to think. She needed to tell Jake...or did she?

Yes, she did. There was no way Alex would be able to pull off lying about this. But, it would end things between them.

_Surely you want to end things with Jake or else you wouldn't have had sex with Bucky_, her subconscious snapped back. Alex let her head thunk down against the countertop next to the till.

"What's up, sweetheart?" Sarah asked as she brought an order from the back, noticing Alex's current posture.

"Y'know that ex I told you about the other day?" She mumbled, peeking up at the older woman as she lifted her head a little.

Sarah eyed her with concern, "Yes. What about him?"

"I slept with him," Alex practically blurted it out before throwing a hand over her eyes and peeking only when enough time had passed for the other woman to process.

When she finally did look up, Sarah just seemed puzzled. She started to talk, but then her mouth shut again and Alex felt compelled to fill the silence. "Last night, I found something out about my parents and...well, he was just there and he makes me feel safe and - oh, it sounds so stupid." Her head hit the work surface once again.

But after a little while Alex felt a soothing hand pat her back. "It doesn't sound stupid, darlin'. It sounds like you were upset and you needed him." She paused, gently lifting up Alex head in her hands. "But you're gonna have to tell Jake."

"I know," Alex murmured into the hard wood surface.

"Just call him over tonight and do it quick - like ripping off a band aid."

"How do you think he'll take it?"

"Oh, it'll be rougher than saddle-less pony ride," Sarah chuckled, "But it'll be worse if you don't tell him."

Alex sighed, "I guess you're right."

"I am. Now get back to work, your sad face is wilting the flowers," she handed Alex a broom.

"Yes ma'am," she chuckled, starting to sweep.

For the whole walk back to her apartment Alex tried to think how best to tell Jake what happened. She'd called him during her lunch break and invited him over for dinner, but now she was starting to regret it._ Like a band aid_, she kept repeating Sarah's words in her head as she walked.

Maybe it would be better to not mention Bucky at all. I could just tell him that I don't feel the same way about him anymore. Everything Alex thought of just made her feel more like the worst person in the world. If there was an award for it, she was definitely going to be one of this year's nominees.

_Why did I invite him for dinner?_ She thought as the oven timer rang. Obviously she couldn't tell him before the meal, but then that meant she had to sit through an entire dinner knowing that at the end of it she'd be breaking up with him. Neither option seemed particularly appetising.

Taking out the pizza, she placed it on a plate, cutting it up before being interrupted by a knock at the door. This is happening way too much for my liking, she sighed internally, bracing herself for what was to come.

"Hey!" She said a little too brightly as she opened the door. "Come in!" The level of fake joy in her voice was akin to that of a Disney princess, and it didn't go unnoticed by Jake who looked at her as if she was having a breakdown as he walked in.

Alex almost bashed her head against the door as she closed it. _Yeah, he definitely doesn't suspect now._

"Are you okay?" Jake asked the inevitable question as they sat down to eat.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" She said, again entirely too happy. Needless to say, he didn't push the issue.

For the most part, they ate in silence, the occasional exchange of pleasantries,_ 'how was your day?'_, etc. but Alex couldn't stop herself from thinking how to break up with him. Jake was a good guy. She couldn't let him think that he'd done anything to ruin this. That was on her.

"I slept with someone else," Alex blurted out before suddenly realising that she'd said it aloud when Jake choked a little on his drink. She sat there wide eyed, waiting for a response to her rather ill-timed confession.

Jake's mouth kept moving, but no sound came out; until he finally managed, "What?"

"I...I slept with someone else."

"Oh, I heard you," he laughed bitterly, "That was more of a 'what - how could you?'" He stood, "And technically, it's not sleeping with someone else when we're not even sleeping together!"

Alex stood, naively hoping that being on the same level as him would somehow calm the situation. "I know, and I am so so sorry-"

"Not as sorry as you're gonna be," he spat angrily, stopping her in her tracks.

"What?"

He gave a small chuckle, "I thought we had something, I was never gonna tell them it was you." He stepped closer to Alex, "But I knew something was wrong when you spun me that crap about your dad being in hospital."

Nothing was making any sense, "How do you- Wait, tell who?"

"Maybe you're not his daughter if you can't even work that out," Jake sneered, putting a hand on his hip.

This was clearly to make sure that Alex could see the gun tucked into his waistband. Suddenly, it started to make sense, "Hydra?" She spoke in a hushed whisper.

He nodded once. "I take it Fury already got to you?"

"Yeah, and he's watching the apartment right now, and they're probably on their way to take you in." She lied, "So, I think you should go before they get here."

Jake laughed again, but this time it put Alex on edge, "We both know that's not true, Alex." He moved uncomfortably close to her, "Because I've been watching the apartment. So I know all about you, and the Asset, and fun you had." His voice made her blood run cold as he leaned in. "But I suppose we've got time to have a little fun ourselves before I have to take you to them."

Alex tried to make a run for the door, but his hand clamped around her wrist before she could get away. Pushing her back against the kitchen so hard she knew it would bruise, Jake moved even closer as Alex tried desperately to keep him away, her hands beating against his chest.

"Come on, Alex," He mumbled next to her ear, turning her around and pinning both her hands down in one of his. "I thought you had a thing for the bad guys."

Tears filled her eyes as she tried to push him off her, "Get off me!" She shouted. At this point Alex was even trying to stick her heel into his foot - anything that would stop this. "Get off!"

"Stay still," Jake hissed as he tightened his grip on her hands so much so that the circulation was being cut off. Her heart dropped when she heard him pull down his zipper before his hand roughly pushed up her dress.

Just then she heard a knock on the door, "Alex?" It was Bucky.

She tried to call out, but Jake's hand clamped tightly over her mouth.

"Alex?!" Bucky sounded a little panicked and she hoped that it was because he'd heard her.

"Shut up!" Jake spat out so only Alex could here him.

There was a thudding against the door and moments later it was taken off its hinges and Bucky moved quickly inside, gun raised.

He froze seeing the position Jake had Alex in and she swore that in that moment you could see the soldier in his eyes. He walked closer to Jake and pointed the gun directly in his face, "Get away from her." He said coldly.

"We found her because of you, Soldier," Jake stepped back, putting his hands up with a sinister smile creeping across his face. Bucky took this chance to look to Alex silently asking if she was okay to which she gave a small nod.

But, while his opposition was distracted Jake made a move for the door. Bucky's metal hand shot out crushing Jake's wrist - you don't get to be an assassin missing things like that. He turned, smashing his other fist into the man's shocked face, hearing a crunch as his nose broke. Watching as Jake fell to the floor, Bucky rushed over to Alex, who hadn't moved since she was released.

"Are you okay?" He took her face in his hands, searching for any visible damage. "Did he hurt you?" Alex couldn't look at him, she was still going over everything in her head. "Did he-"

"No," she said in a hushed tone, before Bucky could say the word. She didn't even want to think about it, let alone hear it aloud.

As Bucky looked at her, they heard footsteps leaving quickly, their heads snapped around to see Jake running out the door. Bucky went to chase after him, but Alex grabbed him by the arm, "Leave it, he's not worth it." She spoke softly with little emotion, her eyes still not meeting his.

So, reluctantly Bucky returned to her side. "What happened?" When Alex finally looked at him, his eyes were full of concern.

"I don't want to talk about it..."

He nodded, "Okay."

Bucky watched as Alex's lip trembled and as he pulled her tightly into his arms, he felt as sobs wracked her frame. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, Bucky kept his arms wrapped around Alex until the sobs began to subside.

"I'm so sorry," she looked up at him and seeing her tear-stained face nearly broke his heart. "I shouldn't have left like I did this morning."

"Shh..." Bucky cupped her face, planting a kiss on her lips. "You don't have to apologise to me, you didn't do anything wrong, Alex."

"Then why did this happen?" She asked as tears began to fall again.

He took her hands in his, "This was not your fault. It was all Jake." Moving his hand up to Alex's face, wiping away her tears. "But you have to come with me now. I'm not letting you stay here."

"Okay," she nodded, leaning in to rest her head on Bucky's chest and his arms came around her once more. Alex would go to Fury, but not right now.

Now, all she wanted was to feel safe in Bucky's arms again.


	6. Chapter 6

Bucky had tried to get Alex to talk to him on the journey back to Fury, but it was pointless. She was still completely unresponsive, but in her head her thoughts moved a mile a minute. How could she have been so blind? Alex believed that she'd been the guilty party in her relationship and she thought that the loss of her parents was just a series of very unfortunate events in her life. However, as much as she tried to explain away these things before, the fact remained that Hydra had worked its way into every facet of how life long before Bucky got to her.

He'd called ahead of them leaving which meant that they were greeted at the base's entrance by Steve and Fury. Bucky opened the passenger door and Alex slipped out silently, making no eye contact with anyone.

Fury began to talk, but cut swiftly cut himself off when Alex walked past without even acknowledging he was there. Two sets of inquisitive eyes shot to Bucky as though to silently ask about the reason behind her state. He simply shook his head, it wasn't the time. "Later," he muttered to them before following Alex inside.

Although a year had passed she still seemed to know her way around and he found her on the bed in the room that they had shared, which he had adopted as his own room when she left.

Alex was sat on the bed with her legs pulled close, arms wrapped around them; her head was resting on top of her knees as though she was trying to seem as small as possible. Bucky sat beside her - he placed a hand on her back, but she flinched away from his touch, head shooting up quickly and looking at him with apologetic eyes. Cautiously, he tried once more, wrapping his arms around her and this time meeting no resistance.

She was so still that Bucky wasn't sure whether to let go or hold tighter - he couldn't guess how she'd react to either. In his life he had never had to deal with anything like this. Yeah, okay, he got there before Jake had a chance to actually do anything more - but what if he hadn't? He didn't want to think about it, but he knew that if the thought had come into his head, it had been in Alex's as well.

"Do you want anything?" Bucky asked quietly. She just silently shook her head, staring ahead. "I'm gonna go get your bag from the car. Are you gonna be okay?" She nodded.

He closed the bedroom door behind him and took a deep breath. Right now, he'd have given anything to make her feel better. But there was nothing he _could_ do.

After retrieving Alex's bag, Bucky made a slight detour, dropping in on Steve to explain the situation. He figured that if he told Steve, he could tell Fury and that would be less time Bucky was leaving Alex alone. Naturally, his friend had been incredibly understanding and promised to deal with Fury for him, expressing his relief that Alex had finally agreed to come back to the base. All Bucky could do was nod - he'd wanted Alex back, but he hadn't wanted it to be this way.

However, when he finally returned to the bedroom, she was nowhere to be seen. "Alex?" he called into the empty space. The shower was on.

Slowly, Bucky approached the bathroom and pushing it open he saw that Alex, who was still fully clothed, sat inside the shower, water pouring down on her. She was still sat the same way she had been when he left her.

Hearing someone come in, Alex lifted her head, eyes meeting concerned blue ones has Bucky turned off the shower and crouched down in front of her. "What happened?" He asked quietly, moving from her eye the hair that had become plastered to her face.

"I...I could smell him on me..." She said in a hushed tone, water droplets falling from her lips as she spoke.

"Okay," he said, helping her to stand. When they found Jake, he was going to kill him. Slowly and painfully.

Bucky took Alex back out into the bedroom, once again she had become unresponsive. He managed to peel off her soaking wet dress, immediately throwing a big fluffy towel around her so she could keep warm while he got something for her to wear. He wrapped the dress in a trash bag - he'd take it out to a dumpster tomorrow - hell, he'd burn it if she wanted him to.

He got a hoodie and some sweatpants from the wardrobe and put them down next to her. Alex made no move to change, so he passed her the sweatpants first, which she pulled on slowly as she stood. It was only then, as Alex stood with her back to him that Bucky could see the bruises that had begun to form on her body from the attack. A slow and painful death was too good for that guy. Quickly, Bucky stood, putting the hoodie over Alex's head before she had a chance to see any of the purple marks - she didn't need that right now.

She sat back down beside him on the bed and Bucky picked up the towel and began drying off her hair. Once it was dry enough he lay back on the bed. When Alex didn't move, he gently took her hand in his metal one, the temperature of which seemed to help catch her attention, "Come here," he gestured with his head, tugging lightly at her small hand and getting her to rest her head on his chest.

Alex caught him off-guard by draping an arm across him and Bucky tentatively wrapped his arms around her in return. They lay in silence, Alex's eyes still wide open. For a moment Bucky felt himself wonder whether she'd even be able to sleep right now. But, if she needed to stay awake all night, then they would suffer through insomnia together.

However, it wasn't insomnia keeping Alex awake, it was her drive to stay numb to the situation she had found herself in. If not feeling anything stopped her from feeling _everything_, then that's what she would do.

"So you failed to bring the girl back?" His partner questioned as Jake cradled his still-bleeding nose, "The one job I gave you and you failed?" He called in the doctor when it became clear that Jake could not take in the scolding while he was tending to his nose.

"It's the Asset," He mumbled as the doctor finished work on cleaning up his injury. "He came back for her."

His partner smiled, "Fury knows we're after her."

The doctor exited and Jake stood, moving to stand next to where his partner looked into the lab where their team was busy working on the improved serum. "So, what do we do now?" he asked.

"We make her come to us. The serum's ready to be tested and we need our lab rat."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N Thanks for all the favourites and follows guys! You're so great :3 feel free to review**

When Alex woke the next morning everything seemed clearer in her mind. She pushed any and all thoughts of Jake to one side and instead began to focus on what needed to be done.

Turning over she found that Bucky was still fast asleep next to her and moving as carefully as she could so as not to wake him, she slipped from the bed and out into the hall. It was early, just past dawn from what she could tell and so Alex knew that Steve at least would be awake.

And she was right; he was on his way into the gym when she finally caught him.

"Alex, hey. How are you?" he asked, seeming a little surprised to see her.

"Fine," she answered quickly before there was a chance of her actually thinking about the answer to that question. "I need to talk to you and Fury."

This appeared to confuse him, "Sure…We'll just get Bucky and-"

"No," Alex shook her head, "I need to talk to you and Fury – alone."

Steve nodded, deciding against questioning her about this and he took her into Fury's office before collecting the man himself from – well, from wherever he'd been, she didn't know. Unlike Steve however, Fury didn't seem nearly as surprised to see her. Although perhaps he was used to wearing his poker face all the time.

"So," Fury started, "What was it that you wanted to talk to us about."

"Hydra." Alex answered simply. "We need to stop them."

Fury almost rolled his eyes, "Was that all? Because that's what we were trying to do before you called me in here."

She shook her head, "No. I've been thinking about it and there's only going to be one real way to stop them."

"Which is?"

"They need the serum tested, right? And so do you – because if they've got it working right, then it's the start of a world war that only has one outcome."

Steve straightened up a little, "What are you suggesting?" he asked, fairly sure of the response.

"I hand myself over to them."

"No. Not an option." Steve snapped. He looked to Fury with a clenched jaw, but the ex-director seemed to be watching Alex intently. "You can't seriously be thinking about this."

There was quiet in the office for a moment, as all eyes landing on Fury, waiting for his response. "Why do you want to do this?" he asked her calmly.

"Hydra has torn my life apart time and time again, and I want them stopped or else everything that you – and my father – have worked for here will amount to nothing."

Fury appeared to take another moment to go over Alex's idea in his head, as Steve got increasingly more frustrated that he was even entertaining the idea of handing Alex over to the enemy. After what seemed like an eternity, the director stood. "Rogers, would you mind giving us a minute alone?"

Saying nothing in response, Steve simply huffed from the room, slamming the door behind him.

Fury took his seat again, "You realise what you're agreeing to here?" Alex nodded. "Because we can't protect you once you're in their hands."

"I know," she said quietly, "But they can't hurt me before testing the serum. I'm the only hope they have to find out if it works."

"I'm assuming that you don't want Barnes finding out about this?"

Reluctantly, Alex found she was nodding again, "For as long as possible."

"In which case, I think it's for the best that Rogers isn't a part of the planning – Barnes is his weak spot and he'll try to stop us doing this."

"Okay."

Walking from Fury's office Alex came face to face (well, chest to face given the height difference) with a rather annoyed Steve. "You're really gonna do this?"

"I have to do this. It's the only way."

He pursed his lips a little, "What about Bucky?"

"He doesn't need to know until I know for sure what's gonna happen." She sighed. "And you're not gonna tell him." Alex added as a caution to the captain.

"He needs to know."

"Not right now, he doesn't," She said, before softening a little. "Bucky's done so much for me, it's time I do something in return."

Steve looked like he wanted to say something else, but Alex slipped away before he had the chance – she'd made up her mind and no one was going to change that. Not even the man currently convulsing on the bed having a nightmare due to her absence.

"Bucky?" she shook him gently and his eyes shot open as he lunged towards her. But, unlike the other times this had happened which ended in him grabbing her throat, he pulled her into a tight hug.

Alex could feel his rapid breathing slowly calm and when he seemed to have returned to normal, she leaned back a little to look at him. "Are you okay?"

He nodded, eyes wide as though he was still trying to ensure that everything around him was real, "Nightmare," he sighed. "Where did you go?" he asked when it finally registered that Alex hadn't been lying beside him when he woke.

"Just for a walk," she lied, giving him a tight smile. "I needed some air."

"You should've woke me," he rubbed his tired eyes and Alex chuckled.

"And disturb your sleep? I can handle a walk on my own Bucky."

He lay back down on the bed, holding an arm out to Alex, inviting her to lie down next to him. Resting her head against his warm chest, she felt him stroke his fingers rhythmically up and down her arm, lulling her back into a relaxed state.

"That was the best night's sleep I've had in a while," Bucky said quietly, and Alex could practically feel the smile on his face. "I think it must have something to do with you." He placed a kiss on top of her head.

Alex just smiled in response, slipping an arm around Bucky and snuggling closer into his chest. She didn't want to leave Bucky, but she kept reminding herself that he was the reason she was going to do this at all. Hydra had torn her life apart, but it was nothing compared to what they'd done to Bucky. And despite what he said, Alex knew that deep down Bucky was still scared of them and what they could do – so Hydra had to be stopped. And if Alex was the missing piece they needed to destroy them, then she would do whatever it took.


	8. Chapter 8

By the time Alex woke up again it was the afternoon and the sound of the shower made it clear that Bucky was still in the room. Just as she sat up, the bathroom door swung open to reveal Bucky with a towel wrapped around his waist and another in the process of drying his hair.

"A whole year and you didn't get a haircut?" She smirked, earning her a wet towel in the face as he walked over to his wardrobe.

He pulled on some sweats and a t-shirt before moving to sit on the bed in front of Alex. "You don't like it?"

"I didn't say that. It's all I know you with," She moving a stray lock from his eyes, "I just thought having it long would be kind of annoying for you – always falling in your eyes. Although, I suppose a scrunchie would fix that." She laughed, gathering his hair and using the hair tie she kept on her wrist to secure it. "There."

Bucky wrinkled his nose, "Nope, not feeling the scrunchie." He said, pulling it from his hair and carefully returning it to her wrist. "I guess I never really thought about it… I used to have short hair…"

"Seriously, Buck, I don't care what you do with your hair. You could dye it blue for all I care – as long as it's still you under that blue mop, I'd still be here with you." He smiled softly. "Just maybe not as much – I mean, the blue hair would take a while to get used to."

Bucky chuckled, "Blue sounds fun."

"I was kidding. Please don't dye your hair blue."

He pressed a kiss to her lips, "What do you want to do today?"

Alex's eyes filled with some unknown emotion as Bucky looked at her, "I need to pick up some stuff from my apartment."

"No, you're not going back there. Tell me what you need and I'll get it." Bucky spoke with concern.

"I need to go back. You can come with me, but I need to do this," She said with conviction looking him straight in the eye. "Besides, I need to tell my boss that I'm not going to be coming to work anymore. Sarah's like family to me, I can't just leave without telling her."

After a while Bucky seemed to realise that Alex would go whether he wanted her to or not and he sighed, "Fine. But I'm coming with you and I'm not leaving your side."

When they reached her apartment it was almost as though everything that Alex had been trying to block out was trying desperately to reach the surface again. She could still hear Jake's voice in her head; still feel his hands on her and despite Bucky's valiant attempts to stop her, Alex had now seen the bruises he had left her with.

But she couldn't let herself think about it. She couldn't and wouldn't let him win. Hell, that was part of the reason she was even considering giving herself up to Hydra.

So, instead of dwelling on thoughts of Jake and Hydra, Alex grabbed a bag from her wardrobe and began to fill it with the various things she needed or wanted to take with her. God knows when she'd be able to come back here – if ever. Clothes, make-up, even a picture of her parents were all shoved into the bag.

When she was finished Alex was surprised at how little of her life she actually wanted to take with her and how much she was more than willing to leave behind.

Handing the bag to Bucky, Alex took a moment to appreciate the place that she had called home for so long, knowing that the chances of her returning here were slim to none. Between the two of them they somehow managed to reattach the door to its hinges and secure it before making their way out of the building.

"Where to now?" Bucky asked when they got back to the car.

"There's a florist two blocks down, that's where I worked."

It was a short drive, but Bucky didn't feel comfortable with Alex walking around the places that Hydra knew she went, in broad daylight.

So, they sat in silence as he drove to the florist, pulling up outside the seemingly empty building.

Alex's brow furrowed, "That's weird."

"What?"

"It's just, the sign says 'open' but it doesn't look like anyone's in there."

She got out of the car before Bucky had a chance to stop her, moving quickly to the door. Alex tried the handle, "It's locked." She said, brow furrowed, turning to Bucky who had appeared at her side.

He didn't seem quite so concerned. "Maybe she's not in and just forgot to change the sign around when she left."

"It's two on a Wednesday afternoon – she should be here, it's delivery day."

Bucky could see that Alex was worried by this, "Stand back." He said quietly, lifting his metal arm to the glass door and swiftly punching through, glass shattering to the floor.

The window in the door was big enough for them to step through, the alarm hadn't gone off which did nothing to settle Alex. Sarah always turned on the alarm when she left. Without fail.

Looking around the shop it seemed as though Sarah had simply been plucked from it – there was a half-completed order on the countertop, a coffee on the side and her handbag was still beneath the till. Something was definitely wrong here.

"Sarah?" she called out, hoping desperately to here an answer. But none came.

Alex ventured further into to the shop, Bucky close to her side as they moved silently. Gently, Alex pushed open the door to the stock room and rounding the corner, she was met with a sight that stopped her in her tracks, knocking the air from her lungs.

In the corner of the room, propped up against the shelves was Sarah's lifeless body complete with bullet wound in the head. Alex turned away, bracing herself against another of the shelves and taking slow deep breaths as Bucky came around her discovering the sight for himself.

Trying to prepare herself, but failing, Alex turned back around and clasped her hand over her mouth as the tears began to fall. Bucky pulled her into his arms, "Alex, I'm so sorry."

But, as she leant her head on his shoulder, Alex noticed a note in Sarah's limp hand. She moved, much to Bucky's confusion, tears still falling from her eyes and kneeling beside the body she managed to slip the note out of the ice cold grip that held it. It had been folded and her name was written on top.

Unfolding it, she read the message before passing it behind her numbly to Bucky. All Alex could do was stare at what remained of her friend as he read:

_'Maybe now you'll take us seriously.'_

Silently, teardrops tumbled down her cheeks while she looked into the lifeless eyes that even now remained open to sights that Sarah could no longer take in. Alex leant down to close them, but Bucky wrapped a hand around her wrist before she could, "Don't touch anything, Alex." He said softly, pulling her back gently. "We need to call the police. They'll handle this. But I need to know if there's anything you touched on the way in."

Alex shook her head, unable to take her eyes off the body that sat before them. Noticing this, Bucky gently ushered her out and back into the car where here called the police and said that there had been a break in. He drove away quickly, after having made sure that there were no cameras around that could've seen them.

But once again Alex had become lost in her thoughts. This had happened because of her. Sarah was gone _because of her_.

Hydra wanted her and they were going to get her. But, whatever happened, she was going to make sure that Hydra couldn't do this to anyone else.

She was going to make them pay for everything.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Just a little chapter to tide you over until I can write more - thanks for all the faves and follows and of course the reviews - keep them coming guys! :)**

For the next few days Alex had been summoned by Fury a number of times to try and ID Jake from the pictures of Hydra agents they had. Or at least that's what she told Bucky it was. In reality, however, they were planning on how to get her to Hydra and what exactly needed to happen when she got in there.

It would happen in a week's time; she would travel to a known Hydra base a few miles away and they would find her there. It was after that they were having issues with. How would she get back out? What if the serum didn't work? What if it did?

"Whatever happens with the serum, Alex, they won't hurt you. They couldn't risk it." Fury said, almost as though he was reading her mind. "You hold all the cards here."

And as much as Alex wanted to believe that she would be in control of this situation, there was no way Hydra would let her have the upper hand. They weren't exactly an honourable kind of organisation.

"We've still got some time to work out the details before this has to happen, but I'd like to get you into training with Rogers. Make sure that you're more than capable of defending yourself hand-to-hand if they do try anything."

"No," Alex spoke up, causing Fury to look at her incredulously. "I don't mean 'no' to the training – just not Rogers." She clarified.

Fury nodded, "Doesn't want to lie to Barnes?" She shook her head in response. "Okay. I'll find someone else."

And with that, their meeting was over and Alex left his office, heading back to the room she shared with Bucky. Rounding the corner however, she caught a glimpse of Steve shutting the door behind him and walking away. "Why were you in there?" She asked aloud, causing him to turn and face her.

"Because I won't let you lie to him," he said sharply.

This made her panic a little if she was honest. "What did you tell him?" She asked cautiously.

"Nothing that isn't true." Steve looked at her with hard eyes before walking away, leaving Alex stood alone in the hall, worried about what she would be walking in to.

Turning the handle slowly, Alex opened the door, inch by inch waiting for a response. Finally, when the door was fully open, she saw that Bucky was sat on the edge of the bed, eyes focused on the intricacies of his metal hand. "Is it true?"

"Is what true?" She swallowed hard, trying to seem clueless.

"You know what." Bucky's voice didn't hold any clear emotion, and his eyes remained on the metallic limb, as if he was refusing to look at her. "Hydra."

Turning, Alex closed the bedroom door – if they were going to do this she'd rather not have it heard by the entire base. "Bucky, I-"

"Is. It. True?" He spoke slowly and carefully and though there was still no emotion filtering through, his words had a dominance to them.

"Yes."

Finally, Bucky brought his eyes up to hers as he stood. And whereas normally Alex would be able to read him like a book, she couldn't now. "After everything those people have done to you, to me – to all of us – you're just gonna hand yourself over to them, like some kind of gift?"

"Bucky, they are going to keep hurting the people I'm closest to until they get me - no one else is going to die because of me."

"I just got you back!" He yelled, startling her. It was a mixture of rage and misery. "I just got you back, and if you think that I'm gonna let you give yourself to them, you're insane." He said, a little calmer, but still as much emotion. "If you go, I'm going with you. You're not doing this alone."

Alex shook her head vehemently, "No, not an option. They will wipe your memory if you go back and if they do that, its game over, Bucky."

"And what if they wipe your memory?"

It wasn't something that she'd considered. They could wipe her memory; there would be nothing to stop them, it wouldn't harm the way the serum would work. Alex didn't have an answer and the slightly smug look on Bucky's face told her that he knew that.

But, when Alex moved away from him, sitting on the bed, Bucky softened. It wasn't that he wanted to catch Alex out; he just wanted to open her eyes. "You don't know what they're like," he said softly as he came to kneel in front of where she sat. "They won't hesitate to do it, Alex. If that serum works, they will wipe you and they'll turn you into…this." He gestured at his arm.

She ran her fingertips gently down the length the metal appendage, a sensation Bucky desperately wanted to be able to feel. "I have to do this." Alex spoke with hushed conviction, looking down into his eyes. "It's the only way to stop them."

"Do you even know what you're gonna do when you're in there? How you're getting out?"

"There's still time to work that stuff out."

"How much time?"

Alex studied his features; she could've lied and said she had more time, but there was no sense in it. "A week."

"A week?!" Bucky stood, his eyes glowing in anger. "You've been planning behind my back for something that's happening in seven days? When exactly were you planning on telling me?!" He began to pace the floor in front of her, "Or were you just not gonna tell me at all?"

She wanted to protest, tell him that he was wrong, but when it came down to it Alex wasn't sure whether she was going to tell him or let him find out. _There was no good way to bring up the subject, but surely I would've told him? Right?_ She searched her mind for an answer but there was none.

"You were gonna tell me, right?" Bucky questioned, clearly trying to put his own mind at rest.

"Yeah. Yeah, of course I was," Alex regained her composure, moving to stand in front of Bucky, placing her hands either side of his worried face. "But this was always gonna be my choice – not yours."

Her words took Bucky back to when he had made her leave him to protect her. Was that what Alex was trying to do here – protect him, by giving herself up?

Bucky brought his lips crashing down on Alex's, which surprised her. Pulling away again, he rested his forehead against hers, "Just promise me you won't make any more plans without me?" he whispered.

"Okay."

"Because I want to know every step of this," he focused intently on her eyes, making sure she was listening. "I _can't _lose you."

The way he stressed 'can't' brought home to Alex how much Bucky needed her to come back. And she would – there was no way she was letting Hydra win again.


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N: Sorry it's been a while since I updated, guys. I started this chapter last week and then hit a bit of a wall with it, so...yeah.**_

_**But it's done now and it's a lil bit smutty. Enjoy! And don't forget to review :3 pretty please?**_

The last week had been stressful to say the least. Alex had been in and out of training and meetings with Fury, all the while trailed by Bucky. She didn't mind, but it annoyed her that he was always around but she was being kept too busy to stop and talk. It didn't stop her from noticing how worried he was though, that was a look he couldn't hide.

She felt the worry seep in to everything Bucky did – the anxious eyes that constantly watched her in training to the way his arms unconsciously tightened around her as they slept. And now, even as they made their way towards the suspected Hydra base, his hand remained firmly clasped around hers in the back of the car.

But instead of thinking towards leaving Bucky and handing herself over to the enemy, Alex thought about the night before…

_"You don't have to do this, you know," she heard Bucky speak softly from the bed behind her as she pulled a t-shirt on. "We can find some other way."_

_When Alex turned to face him, she saw that his eyes were wide, shining with the threat of tears as he looked up at her. "We've been through this Bucky," she said quietly, "There isn't another way to do this." Sitting beside him, Alex sighed, "I wish there was, but there isn't."_

_After a little while she went to get up, but he reached out and grabbed her hand._

_He wasn't rough or pushy; it was as though he just needed the contact. She sat back down, her hand still in his and lifted his other hand to her face caressing her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into his soothing touch._

_Bucky opened his mouth to say something, but Alex silenced him, clasping her hand over his mouth, "Don't say anything. Please." After a pause, he nodded, leaning in and planting a light kiss on her lips. He pulled her close, enjoying the warmth of her body against his._

_Alex ran her hands over his chest, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. His breath hitched, the gentleness to her touch still surprised him even now. When she finally got his shirt over his head, Bucky wrapped his arms around her waist, lying back and pulling her with him. He worked his hands underneath her t-shirt, caressing up and down her sides as her fingertips ghosted over his bare skin._

_"__Are you sure you want this?" Bucky asked breathlessly, "After everything that happened with Jake, l mean."_

_Alex nodded, "I'm not going to let him ruin this. I refuse to be frightened because of what he did – I know you're not like him." She kissed him softly and raised her arms, allowing Bucky to slowly push her shirt over her head, trailing kisses on her warm skin._

_He sat up, facing Alex who was straddling his hips and she traced a finger over the scars on his chest. She bent her neck and littered his chest with kisses before moving up to his neck, and then returning to his lips. Her hands were a little shaky as she unbuttoned his jeans but when Bucky rolled them over, one hand by her shoulder, the other interlocking fingers with her own, Alex felt herself relax. _

_Bucky slipped out of his jeans, and then went to work on her shorts. He laid a trail of kisses from her neck to her stomach, lips lighter than air against her skin. Undoing the button and pulling down the zipper, he pressed a final kiss to her bullet scar. Alex arched her back, letting him tug off her shorts, eliciting a soft moan. Looking up at him, heavy-lidded, Bucky did his best to try and stifle a moan as she slipped a hand into his boxers. Alex pulled back her hand, tugging at the waistband of boxers and pulling them off before shedding her own underwear._

_There was a slight nervousness about her and Bucky raised a questioning eyebrow and asked if she was ok, telling her he'd stop if she didn't want it. She shook her head, kissing him on the cheek, soft and sweet, running a hand through his messy hair. The comfort he'd come to find in Alex – and she in him, for that matter – was undeniable. It was what made the thought of losing her so much harder to bear._

_Their lips met once again, Alex's lips parting to allow his tongue entry while his hands continued exploring her body. He situated himself between her legs and looked to her as if offering a last chance to back out. She nodded and Bucky pushed into her, a small gasp escaped her lips. Their bodies moved together, trying to find a steady rhythm and once they started moving in sync, Bucky sped up his thrusts. Alex bit her lip, doing her best to stifle her moans as he kissed her neck and nipped at her collar bones, trying to hold back his own moans. Bucky eyes roamed over her body, fingertips caressing every inch as though he was trying to memorise every part of her, before she left. After a while, Alex brought his attention back, pulling his lips down to hers as they both found their release._

_They lay there together, enjoying each other's company; Bucky caressing Alex's cheek with one hand, kissing her as he held her close to his chest. _

Alex wished she could've just lived in that moment forever.

But, plans had been made and that morning they would journey to the suspected Hydra base and she would give herself up. The plan was to wait until they had injected her with the serum and then, when alone, Alex would punch in a specific code into the device that Bucky had secreted in her boot – yet another piece of footwear he had cut a chunk of leather from – and that would signal Fury's team to get her out and kill what was left of the former Hydra organisation.

They all knew it was a risky plan, but Fury assured them that it would work without a hitch. It wasn't that part of the plan that concerned Alex; it was more to do with what the effects of the serum would be. It was what killed her father – none of them knew what it would do to her after Hydra's modifications.

"Remember, after you've been given the serum, punch in the code and we'll be there," Fury spoke firmly to her as she stepped out of the vehicle. Alex just nodded, they'd been through this so many times there was no danger in her forgetting what to do, so Fury placed a comforting hand on her shoulder before giving a curt nod as he cleared his throat, getting back into the car so her and Bucky could have a moment alone.

Bucky stepped towards Alex and stood for a moment. This was it. Everything they'd been working towards this past week. _Are you really going to let her do this?_ He asked himself as he looked at her stood before him, so close to being within Hydra's grasp.

In the end it was Alex who made the first move, rushing forward and throwing her arms tightly around him, "It's going to be okay, Bucky," she said and he so wished that hearing her say that put his mind at ease. But it didn't. Nothing could.

So, he simply stayed quiet, wrapping his arms tighter around her, never wanting to let go. He wasn't the only one – for Alex, if this moment lasted the rest of her life it wouldn't be long enough. They both stood there for what felt like an age, neither wanting to let go of the other for fear of never seeing them again.

Eventually, Bucky pulled away a little, taking Alex's face in his hands and looking down at her with tears in his eyes, "I love you, Alex."

"I love you too."

"Barnes. It's time." Fury's voice came from the car window.

Taking a last look at Alex's face, Bucky pulled her into a deep kiss, the tears that fell on his cheeks mixing with those on her own. "Please come back to me," he whispered close to her ear, before pulling away again.

Alex backed away, giving Bucky one last warm smile before she disappeared beyond the tree line, towards the Hydra facility. It felt as though he'd lost a part of him and until she came back safely Bucky knew that he would be spending every minute worrying about Alex and what Hydra could be doing to her.

For a moment, he just stood in the same spot, as though he was waiting for Alex to come back or some kind of sign that she would be okay.

"She's gonna be fine," he heard Fury say behind him, as though he had read his mind. But, at this point he wouldn't rule out fury having the ability to do that. "Alex can keep herself safe."

"I know," Bucky replied, as he moved to get back into the car. "But it's not her I'm worried about – it's what they're gonna do."

Alex took a few more steps beyond the treeline and found that she could see the Hydra base through the trees. _This is it, Alex. Just a few more steps._

Soon, she heard alarms sound from the distant building and within minutes she was surrounded by armed guards. From behind them she saw a familiar face stride through, "Alex. Long time, no see." Jake sneered.

She had to hold back a laugh, "That's attractive," she gestured to the heavy bandaging around his nose from Bucky's punch.

"Funny." He said, before a slightly sinister smile crept onto his lips as he stepped uncomfortably close. "But your little boyfriend isn't here to protect you now."

"I guess that's good news for you then." Alex smirked as she saw the anger in his eyes.

He backed up a little, "I take it you got our…message?"

She clenched her jaw at the memory of Sarah's lifeless body, "That's why I'm here. I didn't want anyone else getting hurt because of me."

"Wise choice." Jake turned and started walking back towards the base, "Bring her in, he's gonna want to see her," he called over his shoulder to the guards that still surrounded her.


	11. Chapter 11

"Not that I've got anywhere else to be, but is this guy going to be much longer?"

So far, Alex had been waiting for an hour and a half for Jake's mystery- friend? Boss? Partner? – He hadn't given much away about this guy's identity, it could've been anybody.

"Your arrival was unexpected. He needs a little time to…prepare." Jake said, as his eyes watched her carefully as though at any minute she might up and run. But something in the word 'prepare' made Alex's blood run cold.

They sat in silence for a little while longer before the sound of heavy metallic thudding echoed down the hall. Jake stood walking to the door, "He's here," his face lit up with a sinister smile. "Alex, may I present to you the new head of Hydra, the man in charge of getting you here – Crossbones." He pulled open the door and Alex's sniggering was silenced when she got a good look at this 'Crossbones' guy. _Not nearly as piratey as his name would suggest_, she thought.

Standing at what she guessed was well over six foot, he was a formidable sight. Face fully covered by a mask printed with a skull, there were no distinguishable features to be seen. He looked like he was wearing the same gear that SHIELD's teams were kitted out with, but his arms were cocooned in what looked like metal. With not one piece of skin on display Alex found herself wondering why that would be – was it a conscious decision or a necessity?

"This is her?" Crossbones' voice was quiet but authoritative – he was clearly the kind of man who didn't need to shout to be heard. Jake nodded, his eyes on Alex as she sat silently staring at the stranger before her. "And she just walked up to the base?"

"Yes," Jake's voice was almost a whisper.

Even though you couldn't see any kind of expression on this man's face, it was clear that he wasn't happy about that. "And none of you thought to check if any of her SHIELD teammates came with her?"

This seemed to panic Jake, "Well…no, we just—"

"Just – what? Thought you could think for yourselves?"

"…I'm sorry, sir." His eyes went to the floor quickly, as though he was a child being scolded by his parents.

"No one came with me," She spoke up, hoping to relieve some of the tension in the room.

The skull faced Alex once again, "Move her to the lab – she's no use to us here."

That was the last she saw of 'Crossbones' for the day. Two agents moved her to a lab – dingy and dirty, though the equipment, at least, looked clean. Alex's arms were strapped to a chair by the wrist, palms up – no doubt to make it easier for them to get to a vein.

After they'd strapped her in she was left alone for a while and all she could do was think. Maybe this is going to be over faster than we thought. If they had brought her down to the lab already, surely they would be injecting her with the serum sooner rather than later. Or that was what she was hoping.

Leaving Bucky had been harder than Alex had imagined and sitting here now, everything was happening and the possibility of her meeting the same end as her father was suddenly very real.

"Alex, yes?" A small man had entered the room unnoticed by her. He was reading through some notes.

"Yeah."

He looked up, "Good. Well, we've been waiting a long time for you."

"And I'm thoroughly pleased to be here," Alex said, deadpan.

The man snickered, placing his notes on the table next to her chair before pulling a stool out to sit in front of her. "Now, this process will go relatively easily if you let it." She couldn't understand whether he was concerned about her or threatening her. "I will give you one dose today. But, it will take three weeks for you to have received the necessary amount of the serum."

"Three weeks?" Her eyes widened.

"You better than anyone know that this serum can be…temperamental." He chose the word carefully, but it still cut deeply as Alex thought about how it had affected her own father. "So, what we plan on doing is giving you a dose at the beginning of each week and monitoring you for any changes or side effects and if, by the end of that week, we are happy with the progress, we will give another dose the following week. For three weeks we will do this and at the end of week three you will have had the full amount of the serum." He reiterated his earlier point.

Three weeks was a long time to be gone without being able to get any sort of message to SHIELD. To Bucky. She knew that her being gone for this length of time would make him worry, but she only hoped that he would trust her judgement enough to wait until she sent the signal instead of storming the Hydra base before they'd finished.

But, as much as Alex worried about Bucky's reaction, she had to worry about herself right now. If Hydra were only giving her the serum a dose at a time, they clearly weren't satisfied with it or they were concerned about the exact affects it would have on her. After all, she was the only person they could test it on, they couldn't afford for it to kill her.

While she was thinking, the man that she only hoped was a scientist had filled a syringe with the serum, "Are you ready?"

_No_, she thought, but instead nodded as she rolled up her sleeve. He smiled like a kid at Christmas as he wrapped a band around her upper arm. Alex could feel her arm being starved of the blood it desperately needed and the veins began to show, like little blue roads mapping out her own body. The man smiled brightly at Alex though she had little cause to do so in return and he moved the needle above her skin. Looking away quickly, she had no desire to see the needle that was currently pressing down and puncturing her flesh, digging deep into her vein.

Suddenly Alex could feel the uncomfortable release of the serum into her blood, the cold liquid was alien to her and she became very aware of how it moved through her bloodstream. She felt sick as the man looked down at her, "There, that wasn't so bad was it?" he smiled again as he pressed a cotton swab to the puncture.

"You are going to have to be kept in here overnight so that we can monitor any initial changes. Tomorrow, all being well, we'll move you to your own room."

Alex knew that the 'room' he was talking about wasn't going to be like the Four Seasons so much as a cell. But as he walked out, leaving her in her in the dingy lab, she had to wonder whether this was the kind of place where they had kept Bucky. If it was, perhaps having his memories wiped was actually a good thing. No one would want to remember a place like this.

Looking down at the band aid on her arm however, one thought passed through Alex's head. There was no going back now.

**A/N - Sorry it's been so long guys, I've been writing essays and so I just managed to get this done in between - hope you all enjoy! Favourites, follows and reviews are always appreciated so thanks for them all! :)**


End file.
